I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I am naked and annoyed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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