and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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