were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
