i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
