I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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