Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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