was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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