Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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