Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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