Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
