Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
