I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
