I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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