He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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