girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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