gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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