so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
