This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
