We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
