the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
