Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
