Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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