I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
