Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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