you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
