I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
