yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Girls should come with a carfax report
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
