are you still at the devil's house?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
