I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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