Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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