I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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