Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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