You made me cry and you don't even care
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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