feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
