I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
