just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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