I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
