Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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