i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
