life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
