At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I am one with the molecules
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
