i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
