His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
