i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
