He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
