I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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