So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
