Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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