Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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