Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
