I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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