Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
