I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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