i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Someone came in the potted fern
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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