is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize