i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Found your dick twin last night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
