She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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