Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My vagina just clenched in fear
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
