Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
nutella sex= disaster
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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