Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you never un-have a 4some
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
