i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
