I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize