I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
