I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
