I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
