John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
