What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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