i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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