Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
