I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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